Mean Ol' Ry

It is Hour 6 of Season 12 of '25'!

Jack is asleep.

The italians with the van are at a truck stop.

Tony is at the Emergency Room

everyone else is watching television or at chinese restaurants.

it is the end of the episode.

Jack is still asleep!

episode 5.

"Well. That was some good comedy central" said Tony.

"I agree" said Jack.

Tony was promptly asleep 5 minutes later. He was immediately woken up by the sound of a roaring engine from the street outside. "Goddammit!" he said.

"They're probably just passing by" said Jack.

The engine roared up and down the street for five more minutes! Then it was over. It took Tony 20 more minutes to fall asleep. Five minutes after he fell asleep, the roaring engine returned. "Geezus Fucking Christ!" said Tony. He jumped out of bed, grabbed his gun, and ran outside.

He got to the street. A man on a motor cycle was roaring up and down the street. "Hey! What are you trying to do!" Tony shouted to him.

"just blowing off steam. I've been at conferences and cooped up in that hotel all week." said the man.

"Decent people are trying to sleep!" said Tony.

"Dude. I'm just riding my bike" said the man.

"Why is it so goddamm loud?" said Tony.

"I customized it to be louder. That way it is louder" said the Man

"I don't understand why you exist. why are you here?" said Tony.

"My name is Zeke. I am a regional sales executive"

"Why do you have to rev your engine at stop signs. it is a 25 mph street" said Tony.

"I like it!" said Zeke.

Tony's face barely contained rage. An eternity of five seconds passed. He drew his gun. "Step away from the motorcycle!" commanded Tony.

"Whoa. dude" said Zeke. he nervously complied.

Tony emptied his gun at the motorcycle. at the last shot, Tony fell. A ricochet or shrapnel had him doubled over on the ground.

Zeke approached Tony. "Are you okay, buddy?"

"you are not my friend!" said Tony.

Jack came running up. "I heard gunfire. what happened?"

Tony looked up at Jack. "Jack. give me your gun.
"Okay" said Jack.

Tony took the gun. He was still laying on the ground, and stretched his arm out to aim at the bike. He unloaded the clip again. on the last shot another ricochet or shrapnel hit Tony. fortunately this time he was already on the ground.

"You oughta try bein more tolerant, Tony" said Jack.

"Raaaaaghhhh!" Tony screamed.

Jack and Zeke compared notes until the ambulance arrived. The EMTs got tony secured to a stretcher. "How bad is it?" Jack asked an EMT.

"pretty bad. Looks like he will lose a testicle" said the EMT.

Tony called Jack over. His voice was weak and wavery. "Jack."

"I'm here Tony"

"Pomise me...." began Tony. He shuttered and choked.

"what is it Tony" said Jack.

"Promise me you will steal some towels from the hotel for me" said Tony.

"Alright. i will" said Jack. his face showed grim determination and resolution.

Zeke was arrested for assaulting a law enforcement official. Jack went back to his room and turned on comedy central.

Jack and Tony had to share a room. It is okay; the room at two beds. Jack showered and shaved and brushed his teeth. Tony washed his face at the sink; he was greek.

When Tony got out of the bathroom, Jack was propped up in bed watching television. Tony set his things aside and got into his own bed. "what are you watching?" said Tony.

"something on PBS about grilling food in West Virginia" said Jack.

"I want to watch Comedy Central. They got stand up at this hour".

"This helps me relax. I'm too keyed up for Comedy Central"

"I want Comedy Central!" said Tony.

"I turned on the tv first!" said Jack.

"Fine. I've got some intelligence files to review anyways". Tony got out his notebook computer.

after 20 minutes or so Jack spoke out. "why is it so fucking cold in here?"

"I turned the air conditioning on high. I like it cold."

"it is too cold. turn off the air conditioning and open a window" said Jack.

"No!" said Tony.

"You are supposed to be Greek. why do you need so much damn cold" said Jack.

"Your Mom!" said Tony.

"fuck you!" said Jack. Jack walked toward the air conditioning controls. Tony stood between Jack and the air conditioning controls. Jack tried to push Tony aside, and Tony pushed back. Finally, Tony threw the first punch. Jack got his forearms up in time to take most of the punch. Tony began to get Jack in a front face lock. Instead of resisting Jack crouched down before Tony could secure the maneuver. He punched Tony in the bread box. As Tony doubled over Jack lunged upwards and suplexed Tony. Tony hit the bed back first; he bounced off it, gained control of his momentum with a forward flip through the air and landed on his feet. After five minutes of punching each other they settled down. "alright. you can watch comedy central if you turn off the air conditioning" said Jack.

"fair enough" said Tony. He put away his laptop and turned on Comedy Central.

The train arrived. Jack and Nick got on. There were some other people on it. Mostly hipsters going from downtown to the better neighborhoods much further from downtown. Jack's phone rang. "bowler" he answered.

"Jack! the lab work came back. The pig manure came from South Carolina. I want you and Tony to catch a flight to South Carolina"

"We are on a train now. We'll get off at the airport station and fly to South Carolina tomorrow" said Jack.

"you've got to fly to South Carolina tonight Jack!" said Director McHoppy.

"Bullshit! It is getting late. It is already 9 o'clock. I'm getting some dinner, and going to sleep" said Jack. "The terrorist attack already happened. it isn't going anywhere."

"fine." said Division Director McHoppy. "But if there is another pig shit mortar attack on Wall Street tomorrow you are going to feel really guilty about it."

"Not really. I'll be in South Carolina" said Jack. He hung up the call.

They got off at the station near the airport. A cul-de-sac off to the side contained a number of motels and a few fast food places. Jack and Tony checked into a Holiday Inn Express. Two young men from the train had also arrived at the motel. They appeared to have already checked in. They carried these weird bicycles with them: all metal, high thin wheels, no gears, very thin handlebars, and no apparent hand brakes. The two men drank beers in the lounge and began playing cards.

Jack and Tony stopped in the lounge. "Hey fellas, want to play Euchre?" said one of the guys.

"That would be swell" said Jack. he and Tony took chairs at the table. The guy with the cooler passed two beers there way. They began playing Euchre. After a few minutes Tony's stomach growled.
"where's a good place to get food around here?" said Tony.
"Chipotle delivers here". said Tyler, one of the guys. He tipped the cardboard Chipotle flyer on the table to Tony.

"Alright. anyone else want Chipotle?" he took their orders and ordered. In 10 minutes the orders arrived. Tony passed the burritoes around. Before Jack could unwrap his Burrito, his phone rang. It was his division chief.

"Jack. we've found one of the Mortar cannons. It was hidden in a foreclosed home a few miles outside of town."

"were the terrorists still there?" said Jack.

"no. It was some kind of old jury rigged soda vending machine that automatically reloaded the mortar cannon. The cannon was stabilized by rebar into the ground. some jury rigged old industrial machinery and commodore 64 computer made slight adjustments to the trajectory after each shot."

"Does this mean I don't have to go to South Carolina?" said Jack.

"I don't know. I'll call you back in the m orning" said Director McHoppy.

Jack went back to the lounge table. His Burrito was gone!

"Where is my burrito!?" said Jack.

Nick, Tyler, and Parker the other hipster guy, started snickering.

"It wasn't me!" said Tyler.

Jack shook with rage for several seconds. Then his face calmed. "You." he looked to Tyler.
"What's with that outfit?"

"I am a hipster" said Tyler.

"What's with that fancy hat, the short shirt, those short tight jeans that don't cover all of your ankles. You look like you are trying to be some kind of Chick" said Jack.

"Then I will fight you" said Tyler.

Jack assumed his fighting stance.

Tyler threw a burrito at Jack.
Jack Karate Chopped it out of the air!

Tyler threw a grapefruit at Jack.
Jack Karate Chopped it out of the air!

Tyler threw a butternut squash at Jack.
Jack Karate Chopped it out of the air!

Tyler threw a 15 pound organicly raised scottish king salmon at Jack.
Jack super sumo slapped it out of the air!

Tyler threw a Rotisserie Chicken Roast at Jack.
Jack karate chopped it out of the air!

Tyler threw a 20 ounce cup of coffee at jack.
Jack karate chopped it out of the air!

Tyler threw a 30 pound Coho River salmon at Jack.
Jack Shōryū-ken super punched it out of the air!
"Holy shit! that is some strong chi!" said Tyler.

Parker went to the lounge microwave. inside was Jack's Burrito.

"I'm sorry i hid your burrito. can we be friends?" said tyler.

"Alright. you are forgiven" said Jack.

Everyone finished their burritoes, and retired to their rooms.

25 season 12: hour 2.

Jack and Tony got down to serious detective work. They went to the scene of the crime. Wall-Street was covered in shit. Tony stopped to buy a hot dog from a street vendor. As he ate it Jack's cell phone rang.

"Bowler." said jack.

It was Agness, his main Analyst contact at CTU. "Jack. The field forensics team has determined the mortars were loaded with Pig Manure."

"Pig Manure? That means it they're calling Wall Street Pigs. It must be the liberals" said Jack.

"That is a big leap Jack. Maybe it was just a crazy college fraternity stunt" said Agness.

"Liberals like to ride trains. I'm going to the transit station" said Jack.

Tony finished his hot dog. They hopped in their SUV and motored down to a few local train stations west. It was dark outside. "Where is the fucking station?" said Tony. The GPS said they were there. They were near the intersection of a highway on ramp with a commercial street, surrounded by residential neighborhoods peppered with small taverns.

Eventually they found a well hidden side street that led to the rail station. it had a large parking lot. The entry to the station was at the end of it. the parking lot was mostly empty. it was dark outside. They entered the station. there were no clerks or personnel on duty. "alright. when we get to the loading platform just keep quiet and listen for liberals" said Jack. Tony nodded agreement.

The loading platform was nearly empty. an elderly couple waited on a bench. Jack and Tony sat on another bench. Within two minutes a cacophony of young adult voices could be heard heading down the stairs to the waiting platform. Eight or nine young adults burst out the door onto the waiting platform.

"Goddamn, fella you got the shit, fella"
"I'm gonna go home and fuck my bitch and go to sleep an shit"
"what generation you, fella. He from a older generation. every 4 or 5 years an shit"
"who that fella? he the puerto ricanny fella? He the real dark fella an shit?"
"down at the mall fella. he say you talking shit. i was like, you think you all that. then I went BAM, fella. I done punched that fella down. Me and my fellas stomped that fella down an shit, fella. the mall security be coming and we got the fuck out of there fella, an shit".

Tony leaned at Jack. "These fellas know a lot of shit"
Jack put Agness on the line. She and CTU division director McHoppy were listening in.
"Do these sound like our guys?" Jack asked Field Director McHoppy.
"it is too soon to tell. get on the next train. the Suspects might already be on it.
Jack and Tony continued waiting.

The young adults were adorned and clothed with elaborate wardrobes and accessories. They seemed to all have cell phones and iPods. They did a lot of hawking and spitting on the platform, and just throwing their fast food wrappers into the ground. even when a trash can was right there.
Two of the Youth stood at the edge of the platform and turned to face their fellows. They began crouching up and down and thrusting their arms in and out. They Chanted some kind of aggressive incantation:

"I'm a hard rollin fella
a goddam mothafuckin killa"

"Uh Uh. Uh uh. yeah. uh yeah fella"

"all the fellas know I am the real fella
The bitches come to me for thrilla"

"Ugh. Ugh. Yeah damn fella"

It went on like this. Not a word Jack and Tony heard could they relate. The story was quite clear.

"These people are too fucking stupid to live" said Tony.

"They have a lot of Charisma. They need structure and leadership." said Jack. He approached the two youth chanting at the edge of the platform. "You kids have a lot of charisma. Keep practicing. you could be the next Creedence Clearwater Revival". He pulled a nickel out of his hand and pressed it into the lead chanter's hand. He walked back to Tony.

"Are those guys Liberals, Tony?" said Jack.

"They are the leading edge of consumerism. They are the leading edge of American post-industrial consumerism" said Tony.

"Is that Greek? I don't understand your greek Tony" said Jack.

There was a lot of shouting and bawling coming from the group of youths. the two chanters rejoined their fellows. They spoke loudly and all at once, but it was hard to make out anything they said other than the repetitive guttural phrases. The young adults approached jack and tony as a swarm. the two chanters pressed close to their personal space.

"what you tryin to say, muthafucka. you can't be talking to us like that an shit" said the chanter.

"I can" said Jack.

the chanter pulled out a gun and waived it around and shouted stuff.

Jack Bowler thrust his hand forward and smacked the youth's gun into the youth's forehead. He kicked the second youth high on the inside of the shin. As the shin broke he pushed the youth's head back with his right hand. the youth with the broken shin fell backwards. Jack pivoted forward and brought his right hand around the first youth's neck in a headlock. He bulldogged the youth forward and tumbled him into three of his compatriots. Three more were standing. Jack reached out a wide slap, slapping three faces at once, like a great three stooges bit. Then he drew his own gun and fired 3 shots into the air.

"Quiet down!" he said to the youths. it was hard, because they all kept talking at once.
"quiet down!" he shouted again. The youths bickered with each other about which of them were not being quiet. Jack fired two more shots into the air. "Quiet" he shouted.

They finally got quiet. He ordered them to sit down in a prayer circle. "Dear God and all the Saints, please help these kids become smart enough to act like they deserve to live in civilization". He ordered the kids to recite the same prayer in the first person. When he was done, he removed their cell phones and iPods and smashed them on the ground. "I don't want you kids on the same train as me. I'm getting on the next train. you can leave, or wait for the train after that."

Jack went back to the bench with Tony. The group of youths were back to heehawing and bickering instantly. 15 minutes later the train arrived. Jack and Tony got on the train.

"That was the longest 15 minutes ever" said Tony.

"it is too bad we didn't find any suspects" said Jack.

"what was that all about back there Jack. Is this some frustrated middle class guy petty revenge fantasy?" said Tony.

"it is hard to come up with 25 hours of stuff" said Jack.

Meanwhile, the seen cut away to the Italian guys with a van. they had stopped at a super travel center on the interstate. they were eating popeye's chicken.